A compost heap comes to life and threatens a group of wizards:
The heap swivelled and lunged towards the Bursar. The wizards backed away.
'It can't be intelligent can it?' said the Bursar.
'All it's doing is moving around slowly and eating things,' said the Dean.
'Put a pointy hat on it and it'd be a faculty member,' said the Archchancellor.
Few religions are definite about the size of Heaven but on the planet Earth the book of Revelation gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side. This is somewhat less than 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 cubic feet. Even allowing that the Heavenly Host and other essential services take up at least two thirds of this space, this leaves about one million cubic feet for each human occupant...This is such a generous amount of space that it suggests that room has also been provided for some alien races or - a happy thought - that pets are allowed.
Oh, all right, one more then...
'Some people say that you achieve immortality through your children,' said the minstrel.
'Yeah?' said Cohen. 'Name one of your great-grandads then.'
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