Sunday, 22 July 2007

Musings on a wet Sunday

It is summer in Scotland so it is wet and cold. Wet, cold Sundays - you've gotta love them. So many miserable childhood memories...

I've been spending today trying to decide what to do with my life. So many changes, so many factors, so many possible futures, it's difficult to choose. And the fear...fear of change, fear of stepping out of the comfort zone, fear of looking a fool, fear of being hurt...

And I've been thinking about my late husband. Imagining him watching the golf on the telly. The weekend of the British Open was sacrosanct for him. The remote control was sequestered along with the best seat in the lounge and he would lie with a steady supply of beer, entranced by the most boring sport on Earth, apart from motor sport of course. He loved it. I hated it. But I found myself watching the damn thing this afternoon and picturing him taking up his familiar place on the settee. Cried a little. Smiled more.

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